I visited one of my friends at her apartment over the weekend. She spent the day indoors getting drunk and chain smoking cigarettes due to a set of depressive thoughts she’d been having about her life. I’ve done that before.
No matter how much I tried to get her to get up so that she could get some fresh(er) air, she’d just sit there staring at the tele and going between the chiller for a beer, the pack of cigarettes and the bathroom (her bodies attempt to detox). Due to this repetitive cycle and my not receiving any attention I fell asleep. She woke me up by pouncing on me… because I was being rude by sleeping. (.o0Gwaah?)
In my half awoken state, I continued trying to get her to put on some shoes so that we could leave. The result was that I had to put her shoes on for her so that we could go to the car.
After we made it to Fell’s Point, she spent most of the time talking about how she desired that her life would end. She didn’t really care how she’d die, she just wanted to die. Some of the things that she said were extremely similar to thoughts that I’ve had in the past and may have said as a teenager. Besides being saddened by the fact that someone else was going through this, I felt that I was in lack as I didn’t know what to do to help.
I’m thinking about it now and realize that I would have rolled out very quickly upon hearing such speak if I had not gone through this myself.
Regardless of how cold my exterior is, I do experience pain when those who are close to me suffer… even those who I’m not on the best terms with.
